Whistling Past the Graveyard

Out the door, across the yard, over the split-rail fence, and up the hill we went, just Mr. Pickle and me. (Dog owners, you know you do it too – Nicholai becomes Nickel-Pickle, becomes the Pickle-head, becomes Mr. Pickle). Cold this morning back in Montana, our breath comes in white puffs, the wind is sharp on my face, and another dusting of snow covers the trail.

As time goes by, I pinch myself, we're well into April and my furry black companion still trots up the steep slope, tail held high, prancing, and proud. We're a couple of survivors, my old man and me, and that makes me oddly happy while we hike in the stark beauty of a chill mountain morning, even in the face of a sibling's cancer diagnosis.

A friend sent me an article from the New York Times: (http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/an-insomniacs-best-friend/), where the author speaks of her well-loved dog, Chief. Diagnosed with lung cancer in January of 2009, and treated with surgery and chemotherapy, Chief didn't make it past September. The author says she's haunted by memories and haunted by regrets, asking herself late at night, "Was it worth it?" Having spent $15,000 on Chief's treatment, she describes "whistling past the graveyard," writing checks as she went. Her regret is clear when she speaks of us dog owners flinging cash like idiots, crazy in our love for our dogs.

To be hiking under clear blue skies with Nickel-Pickle is clearly a blessing. We, too – both of us – are "whistling past the graveyard," but the checks I write for vitamins and herbs are small, the days we have are many, Nicholai still hops on the bed at night, rolls to his side and lifts his leg for a tummy rub. When I wake to the gentle snoring of my buddy –who also is my comfort when worries pop my eyes wide open in the middle of the night – I thank my lucky stars that he is with me, I feel a surge of gratitude toward Nicholai's holistic vet, and I mentally sing praise to clean, real food. Still, I understand why she did it.

She did it for love.