At the Vet

My bubba had a rough night last night – or I, at least, had a rough night listening to his raspy breathing. He's doing more of that now; pant, pant, panting – as if it were a hundred degrees which is certainly not the case. Until last night, however, he's always been able to relax and go straight to sleep. At two in the morning – after tossing fitfully while Nicholai puffed and wheezed – I found myself sitting on the floor, gently probing his belly with my fingers, searching for signs of an abdominal mass or swelling, breathing a with relief at not finding any. While I massaged his back and "held his hand," he drifted off to what finally sounded like a peaceful sleep.

Today at the vet's office, I shared my concern that Nicholai seems to be making a downhill turn. His lymph tumors are large, his breathing frequently harsh and rasping. Fortunately, there's been no abatement in Nicholai's appetite, but that wouldn't signal a downturn that would signal the end. In the past few days, he's developed a rash on his tummy and I wonder if his overworked immune system is breaking down. God knows I've worried seriously about a "downhill turn" about ten times by now, and each time has turned out to be a glitch, and not the final downward slide to death I steel myself against.

While Nicholai stares at a bag of fish and venison treats, willing one of us to pop a few in his mouth, the vet says the rash looks like a staph infection so we'll put the boy on antibiotics. I find this a good plan; my old bubba's immune system is doing double – or triple – duty keeping him alive. If irritants in grass where we walk (I worry that it was sprayed) or the river waters have breached the skin's security systems, I want to give him a helping hand.

Vet laments another case of lymphoma he's been trying to turn around. The dog underwent a course of chemo and radiation that wasn't working so the owners turned to alternative medicine. But with a system weakened by both cancer and treatment, it was just too late. I reminded him to celebrate Nicholai, for even if he died tomorrow, his life to date has been a giant success.

I think it's time for another prayer request on the Canine Cancer Prayer list. Something is working, and I'm not going to pooh-pooh any part of it; diet, exercise, Chinese herbs, western herbs, mushrooms, prayers, and now a course of antibiotics.

Oh, and a helluva lot of love. Makes for quite the treatment plan.