No Big Guns

I rose from bed this morning to complete quiet; no barking, no rush of excited dog feet ready to start the day. My partner exited earlier with the three dogs in tow and I could tiptoe downstairs, make a cup of coffee, and sit in complete peace on the back deck to watch the chickens wake up.

Mr. Nicholai's veterinary appointment went well. We're trying a new herbal formula for internal cooling, deciding it's still not time to "break out the big guns." The thing with those big guns (not standard chemo, never that for Nicholai) but heavy duty antibiotics and steroids, is that while they will stave off symptoms – push back against the lymphoma if you will – they also assault the digestive tract and the immune system, and lead to further deterioration, from which there is often no return.

The weekend's rising temperatures will challenge Nicholai and we'll see how the new formula helps his system cope with the heat. For now, he's totally happy snoozing in the cool basement, having had a lovely romp at the river.

It's a daily work of art and spirit to let Nicholai be – to hold hope for his long and healthy life and yet allow for his potential need to go at any time. At the moment, he is his happy-go-lucky, earth bound self again and I am less concerned that he may be taking his curtain call next week on the second anniversary of his friend's passing.

Along with my own healing (I now look like I got kicked in the eye with a steel-toed boot), I'm taking Nicholai's status one day at a time. I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend of movies, audio books, and laying low. I think my buddy will embrace that agenda.